How to Support Your Partner During Labour: 3 Things Every Birth Partner Should Know

Your partner can completely change your birth.

Most partners know they’re meant to be supportive. They know they should encourage you, hold your hand and remind you to breathe. But that’s very different from knowing what to actually do when you’re deep in labour, when contractions stall, when you're at your limit of pain and when unexpected decisions come up in the room.

I teach birth partners that they have three jobs to do through birth: own the room, physically support you and be your thinking brain.

Here’s what that means in practice.

1. Own the room

Oxytocin drives labour and it’s released when you feel safe, loved and able to relax into birth. Your birth partner’s first job is to help create and protect that environment. There is no birth without oxytocin so if labour slows, this is the first thing to check. 

Through birth, they can:

• keep the room calm and the lights low
• ask for fewer interruptions where possible
• avoid talking to you or asking questions through contractions (unless its telling you how great you are!)
• staying present and close
• reminding you that you’re safe and you’ve got this
• answering simple questions for you 

This doesn’t mean every birth needs to happen silently in a dark room. Some women want music, conversation, movement and laughter.

The important thing is that your partner knows what makes you feel safe and takes responsibility for protecting that space.

You shouldn’t have to manage the room while you’re giving birth.

2. Physically support her

Birth often works beautifully when we leave it alone, but sometimes your body needs support. Whether that’s to help you cope with contractions, encourage baby into a better position or get things moving when labour slows down.

Your partner can do a lot more than hold your hand.

I teach partners how to:

• breathe with you through contractions
• suggest position changes
• use counterpressure and hip squeezes to create more space for baby
• massage between contractions to release tension
• physically support you into different labour positions
• use tools like a TENS machine, rebozo and birth comb
• notice when something isn’t working and try something different

The important part is practising this before labour.

A hip squeeze is not particularly useful if your partner is trying to learn it from a Reel while you’re having contractions. They need to practise where to put their hands, because it changes for each stage of labour, work out what kind of pressure you like, learn how your TENS works and try different positions together.

Then when labour starts, your partner already has a toolkit and knows how to use it.

3. Be her thinking brain

This is the most important role I prepare partners for.

As labour progresses, we want you to be able to switch off your thinking brain, go inward and work instinctively with your body. We know birth is driven by oxytocin and that's released from your primitive brain, its only when you go inwards, that you your labour will progress with ease.

You shouldn’t need to remember everything you learnt about birth, explain your preferences or analyse every decision while having contractions. Your partner can hold that information for you. Your body can hold the physical prep work you've done beforehand.

For you to switch off your partner needs to know this before birth,

• what you would likely say yes, no or maybe to in most scenarios
• what matters to you
• how you feel about pain relief
  
• what to do if labour slows down
• what interventions would you want more information about before agreeing
• what matters most to you if birth doesn’t go to plan

Your partner doesn’t need to become a medical expert or make decisions for you. They need to know you well enough to recognise when something being suggested needs a conversation.

And then they need to be curious.

If an intervention is offered and there is time to discuss it, they can ask:

Why are you recommending this?

What are the benefits and risks?

What are our other options?

Do we have time to think about it?

Being your advocate doesn’t mean fighting the people caring for you. It means making sure you have the information and space you need to make your own decisions.

How should a birth partner prepare before labour?

Don’t wait until contractions start.

Prepare together.

Your partner should understand how birth works, know your birth preferences and practise the physical techniques you might use during labour.

What actually makes a good birth partner?

They don’t need to know exactly what to say every second.

They don’t need to fix your labour.

And they definitely don’t need to spend birth sitting in the corner waiting for someone to tell them what to do.

A great birth partner knows you.

They know what makes you feel safe. They know how to physically support you. They understand the birth you want and what matters to you if things change.

So when you’re deep in labour, you don’t need to manage them too.

You know they’ve got you.

Prepare for birth together

This is exactly what I teach inside The Birth Method.

It’s 24/7 online birth preparation designed for both of you. You’ll understand how birth works, prepare for the decisions you might face and learn the practical techniques and tools you can actually use during labour.

Because I don’t just want you to know more about birth.

I want both of you to know what to actually do when it happens.